Don't F**k It Up: How To Not Make It Worse When Your Friend Is Having A Hard Time

And how you can actually maybe help a little.

When I’m out with my kids, at least once I think: I wonder if everyone thinks I’m their nanny, because I definitely do not seem old enough to be their mom.

The subtext of that is: I don’t feel old enough to have this much responsibility and I wonder if it shows.

But at 37… girl… you’re old enough. It’s that thing where you realize your parents, whom you thought had the answers to everything, were also fumbling around in the dark just as blindly as you are. That nobody knows for sure what to do, and we’re all just trying our best.

And being 37, being a friend, being a mom, being a person, whatever - there have been more instances than anyone would like recently when my friend, or family member is confronted with a nightmare in the process of making, having, birthing, or rearing a baby.

In those moments, I think I’m too young to be involved in anything this serious. But then again, 37, and also, let’s not make this about me, shall we?

by the amazing Liana Finck

The rub, however, is that in trying to comfort your loved one, inadvertently it can become about you rather than about them in a million ways, from comparing something unrelated you’ve been through to their experience, to saying something so horrifying that they start to focus on how awful you’ve made them feel, how repulsive you are, how vile - I guess the upside there is at least they’re distracted?

And despite how wrong things can go, at the heart, all of that comes from a deep desire to help. And be there! It’s just not immediately obvious always how to do that.

So I asked - I went to Instagram to ask people what helped them in their most awful moments, and what just made it worse.