Mom Body: Part 1 (TW restrictive eating)

Oh boy.

Last week I wrote about not wanting/not getting facial Botox or Fillers on Earl Earl, and not to be the kind of person who quotes herself, but in it, I wrote, “She’s not perfect, but she’s as good as she’ll ever be.”

The “she” I wrote about was in reference to my actual face, but I was also talking about myself and the way I look. Now hold that thought -

This weekend, my 5 year-old son lost his first tooth, and I was surprised by what I felt when it happened. I haven’t totally worked through that feeling, but I was sadder than I thought I’d be - it was physical proof that my baby is growing up. He’s getting his grown-up teeth. And then also, it was a physical reminder that I’m growing up too. With every kid birthday and milestone, as happy as I am, I always get a pang that it means I’m one step closer to them not needing me. DARK.

There I was, thinking about my aging face, plus my changing role as Mom. Aging + motherhood = me thinking also about my body. My actual physical body, and the way it looks. Now we’re getting to the point.

I alluded to this in a previous letter about why I found “Dry July” unhealthy and unproductive for me - in a nutshell, the self-imposed restrictions around alcohol brought back other restrictive behaviors I had with food when I was younger. This is what I wrote: